writerblox

 THE READING. We had our third such formal reading of the script. A formal reading is where you actually get a space, get actors and invite “industry folk” to come see your script read aloud. This, of course, is in the hope that someone with clout will come and love love your script so much that he or she will instantly write you a check and you can make the film…HOWEVER as anyone that’s ever done one of these can attest. no one ever comes! even if an agency or prod company is represented, it’s usually by Joe Blow nobody fresh from his mail room gig and with no real power. Plus you have the added tedium of having to sit through a screenplay being read live…which is only slightly better than removing your own spleen with a spork. Screenplays simply are not meant to be read aloud. Stageplays can be done as a reading since the story in plays is told mostly through dialogue. Screenplay readings, where most of the story is told visually, usually end up being all about one person reading slug lines and action sequences until her throat dries up and nobody really being able to follow what’s going on anyway. It is the absolute worst venue to have your work experienced. But we have to keep doing them because they keep asking for them.

Anywhoo…

back to last night. We had two major big dogs in the house: one HUGE MONSTER and another small indy production company that has actually seen screen time. (no I will not tell you who the BIG MONSTER is but I promise…it’s a biggie)

The reading went as well as could be imagined…given the sloppy haphazzard way it was thrown together at the last minute: “hey guys good news…we’re doing a reading TOMORROW and by the way, can you cast it and break up the parts?? thanks”

but the most amazing thing happened afterwards. The HUGE MONSTER folk came up to us afterwards and said, (and I promise this is a direct quote) “we love the script…however you guys are just too small for us…I mean (I swear this is a quote) WHAT WOULD HUGE MONSTER DO WITH A 500,000 DOLLAR FILM?” The movie actually costs too little to be picked up. Meaning we’re too cheap for them to spend money on. This would be like me going into a store and saying “I really like this shirt but it’s on sale for 5 bucks…so forget it.”

I even tried to be helpful and told them that they could just pay us all a million each up front and that would bump the budget up…they really didn’t like that.

still it’s kinda funny to think that a major studio makes decisions like that.

I shall keep you all posted…but I’m sure we’re going straight back into limbo land until the next reading.

I kick myself that I didn’t have the spine to revolt…

3/19/20xx

Ok…so I may call this one: “OUT OF THE LOOP” or “FRUSTRATIONS OF A TRUE HOLLYWOOD CLICHE” or maybe even “SWEET JESUS, DID THEY REALLY TURN DOWN 100 GRAND????!!!???” 

The purchase agreement has been signed. The “t”‘s are crossed and the “i”‘s are dotted (with little hearts for my producer….dum dee dum). and Now my partner and I are completely 100% OUT OF THE FREAKINGLOOP.  You know all those books and articles about how the writer gets no respect. All true.  An example? Ok.  Our Director’s manager lined up a meeting with him and a potential investor/executive producer. This guy has his own production company and gives $$$ and FREE EQUIPMENT to young filmakers. (he’s a huge player in the digital revolution and wants to court young directors to work in the medium).  so our director goes to meet with him. I ask (stupidly), “Hey…since we wrote the story and the script and know more about it than anyone else…should we come to the meeting too?” and then I got what I will henceforth refer to as THE LOOK.  For those of you not familiar with THE LOOK, think of the most condescending person you know…think of the most condescending thing that person has ever said to you…imagine how that person looked when saying it…then multiply by 100,000 and you might have an inkling of what THE LOOK is. Instantly capable of reducing even the most confident person into shambles, THE LOOK is a force to behold.

anywhoo…so he gives me THE LOOK and says, “um…actually no. he’s only really interested in the director”  which roughly translates into “no, you stupid writer…the director is GOD in this world and you are an insignificant cog in the machine that is the movie bid’nes…now bow your head!!!” (this is much more effective if you imagine Micheal Clark Duncan’s character in Planet of the Apes saying it…go on..try”).  I complain to my partner, “this is bullshit!!!” He says to me, “this is just how it is…we’re out of the loop at this point. Our work is done”  and I say, “but didn’t we enter into this as equal friends and partners” and here he tried to give me THE LOOK but we both were feeling so useless that we just ordered more al-key-hol (as my dear sainted mother would say).

Then a few days later, we get the recap of the meeting. First of all, the Money Man tells dear director that he loved the script…actually (and this is a quote) “laughed out loud at several points” (if you’re scratching your head here and saying “but if it’s the script he loved and the director has never done anything before…why didn’t he want to meet the writers???” then you might just understand what THE LOOK feels like).  Moneybags then went on to say…”I want to give you 100,000 bucks to shoot this thing”.  

(A SLIGHT DIGRESSION ON MONEY)  I am poor. Very poor. I come from poor stock. I really have no concept on what the rich folk call, “chump-change”.  I cannot fathom what 1 million dollars is. and 100,000 is so much out of my comprehension that at the bare mention of it, I get giddy like a schoolgirl. 

ok…back the the 100 grand (tee hee heee…see what I mean??) But there’s more…because (and Hoof can probably attest to this) the free equipment and FREE POST that comes with the 100 grand (teee heee…stop that) pushes it up much higher.  So we’re actually getting a pretty damn decent budget. so I say, “let’s boogie”. 

and the  THE LOOK again.  this time from my producer…ho-hum…the honeymoon is over. “We can’t make this movie for 100,000″ she says. “we can’t?” I ask.  “no…we can’t…we don’t want this to be a student film”. “can you tell me what school I can go to that gives 100,000 to a student film”  and  THE LOOK.  (scene) 

and to show you just how fast this stuff changes….while I was typing this post, I got a call from my partner…aparently the Digital Money Man really wants to be involved in the project. So they are gonna take the 1.5 mil budget that my producer has made….and the 100,000 offer that he made…have a huge conference call with Producer, Exec. producer, Moneybags and director (guess who’s not invited on that call…yep you guessed it!!!) where they hope to strike a compromise.  

So in actuality…the producer was right. Lesson learned from this: Always reject the first offer. Money people always lowball you. and I learned that I have no business trying to produce because I would always just grab for the cash.  So my producer is savvy…and lovely….but I digress. 

I’ll let you know how the conference call turns out…as soon as I get filled in myself… 

we shall see…

it astounds me how stupid I was back then…how desperate…how sad…

February  14, 20xx 

It’s been a little while since I last wrote one of these…but nothing really has been happening. Lots of calls…lots of bourbon and cokes…lots of meetings at the World Famous Renaissance diner with my partner to discuss just “what the hell is up”.

Anywhoo. Finally some news. Yesterday, we received the official PURCHASE AGREEMENT. As soon as we have our lawyer look at it. We will sign. And our script…our little dividend will no longer belong to us. It will be the property of “PRODUCER”…and I so love her. Do you think a good line to her would be, “since you now own some of my soul…would you like a piece of my heart???” probably not. I have to stop drinking before I write these…and probably shouldn’t be doing them on Valentine’s day anyway.

anywhoo…For those of you who have never seen a purchase agreement (myself included until yesterday) I thought I’d go over it a bit:

1. I’ll just skip the prelim stuff which basically identifies the parties involved and yadda yadda.
2. The first paragraph in the thing basically confirms “the agreement between Producer and Writer for the Option/purchase of the original screenplay”
3. right after that, our first victory: it states very matter of factly that my partner and I will get to act in the film. Hooray for us!

Now we get into the nitty gritty:

SECTION 1 OPTION/PURCHASE
OPTION: since we’ve already optioned to her for 1$ this basically says that she can extend the option for 18 months (when this current option runs out) for a price of 3,274 bucks…which is ten % of the total purchase price.
PURCHASE: We will be paid upon exercise of the option $32,747.00…which we will split. So that’s 16 grand and some change each…before taxes. And here is where we got screwed a little: The excercise of the option shall be the commencement of principal photography on the film. this sucks because it means we have to wait to get paid. It also means that if they get a bunch of money up front, they still don’t have to pay us until principal photography starts. So if the shoot date is delayed until next year…you get the picture. But we all signed on for that, even the director…with the idea that any money we get up front is best utilized in serving the film…ie: equipment rentals, film stock, etc.

I must say something great about our director here: he’s not joining the DGA so that he can take less money for this project…so the budget will have more money for music, which is extremely important to the film. So now I kinda feel bad about badmouthing him…kinda. (a little)

CONTINGENT PAYMENT: we also get 4% of the net profits of the film…which means we get nothing. I think I already told you that net points are also called “monkey points”

We also got a provision that says we are the only writers on the project. and no one else can come in to write on the script unless we allow it.

We will receive a sole “written by” credit. and we’ll probably have to do it alphabetically which means my name will be last. Why was I cursed with a “W”

But we got a huge gift that I didn’t expect us to get!!! we get first negotiation and passive payments: which means that if the movie is sold and the producers decide to make a sequel, a tv show a miniseries or what ever…we get first shot at writing. If we refuse, WE STILL GET PAID. it’s called “passive payment” We get 50% of our salary…just for having created the stuff. This NEVER happens for a first time sale…I think it’s a sure sign that my producer is beginning to love me as well!!!

Other points of NOte:
We will be covered by the insurance for the picture.

We will get two tickets each for the premiere and two FIRST CLASS plane tickets to said premiere.

We get a complementary video AND dvd of the film

the thing I had to give up was the publishing rights. She said that anything that potential investors perceive as taking away from their profit potential will discourage them from giving us money. I will be able to write a book based on my experience…which I guess will be just as good. and Publishing rights gives me something to shoot for when I sell my next one.

the above all victory, however…is the fact that WE ARE MAKING THE FREAKING MOVIE!!!

so now I guess I need to lose some weight. get a tan. buff up. for She, my sweet lovely producer, is coming here to set up a reading for us. So I shall finally be able to look at her. Wish me luck.

I will keep you posted…

so this was the moment right before it all went to hades in a handbasket….

January  24, 20xx 

Finally we can have no more conference calls! Hoorah! Hoorah! We busted ass and did a super lightning quick rock and roll turnaround on the “TWEAKS” in three days. Fedexed those bad boys to LA. and finally…yesterday…we recieved word that this was IT. The absolute last rewrite we have to do…until we officially enter pre-production and have to tear the thing apart and start from scratch. But this script is called the “money script” not because we wish to reference Swingers…but because this is the script that our new  EXECUTIVE PRODUCER  shall use to get money for us. and when I say us, I mean the movie…the royal “us” not us as in me and my partner. See…here’s something about independent financing you might not have known: When the producer sets the budget (let’s say 1.5 mil for shits and giggles) and begins the process of raising money…it’s not like it’s taken to Staunch Cliche rich guy #4, who loves it and writes a check for a million.five. nope. you get what you can from a variety of sources. See Independent films are films who’s INITIAL costs are not financed by a studio. That’s how miramax can plop down a huge chunk of change on Joe Blow’s arty crap and still have it qualify as an indy. Anywhoo…basically when you’re getting your money, you get it in spurts. A little here…a little there. So you may actually end up having to use the money you get up front to pay production costs (secure equipment rentals, film stock…etc) and wait to pay the folks involved (ie: ME) until you either get more cash or sell the thing for distribution. So..alas, at this point…NOBODY IS GETTING PAID. Which really blows because I have such a great “Take this job and shove it speech all prepared” . I plan on heavily referencing Joe vs. the Volcano…”this life…life what a joke this situation…this room…) but I digress.

but I have a song in my heart because it looks like we’re gonna get everything we asked for.

when we went into the negotiations for the purchase agreement, I sent the following list of requests:

1.Can we retain publishing rights for the script?
2. Can we retain derivative rights (the right for to write a sequel or work based on a character in it)? If not, is there a way to get first refusal for all sequel or derivative works?
3. How to setup the provision that we have to do all rewrites? (no other writers)
4. How is final cut worked out? Are we involved in the editing? As creators of the story, how much creative input do we have regarding the editing of the film?
5. How are artistic disputes between us and Mr. Director worked out? (not everyday, director/actor/writer arguments, but if a situation were to come up where we and Mr. Director were at direct opposition and at a bargaining impass…who makes the call? Will HE have an automatic trump card for all disputes?)
Can we get casting approval / input?
6. How do we phrase the agreement that we act in the film?
7. Can we get attached as co-producers?

Now, I’ll tell you what I didn’t tell them. The only thing that I really expected to get were the Publishing rights and the agreement that we get to act in the film. there is no way a first time writer will EVER get sequel rights (Lucas f*cked it up for everyone)…and to be attached as producers? no WAY…an investor will look at all the people attached and say “too many cooks”. And I just put that other stuff (some of it really stupid…like why would we get casting approval)in there to puff up our list of demands so that she (I LOOOOOVE her) would have stuff to reject. I have found that when you go into negotiations like this, you should have the things you absolutely must have…but you should also have things that you can easily give up. That way it appears that we gave up on 5 of our 7 demands…but in reality, I got everything that I wanted. AND she said that we’ll probably be able to get First refusal on derivative works as well!!! Pretty sneaky, huh. I thought so…I’ll be a shady Hollywoodtype in no time.

We begin pre-production in Mid February. First thing we’re doing is having a big ass reading with ICM where everyone will meet everyone for the first time. Me, nervous? never. and this will be the first time I meet my producer (and future wife?) face to face…which is why I’m dieting and doing lots and lots of situps. you can never have abs that are “too good”…at least that’s what Gramma used to say…when she was sober.

balls are rolling.

January  16, 20XX

Can we all have a moment of silence, please?? Last night (1/15/XX), at approximately 7:42pm my partner’s big ol’ heart was crushed underneath a ton of “Hollywood” bullshit. Alas, he is no longer pure. sniff. sniff.

the situation…yet ANOTHER conference call. See I know I said I didn’t want to have any more of these calls until we actually start pre-production. Our producer (love her!!) and director said that the last rewrite was our last rewrite until we start pre. then we get a call saying that they want to have another call…and another rewrite…to “discuss typo’s, formatting concerns, and a couple of TWEAKS”.

right now, I want you all to take a moment and secretly define for yourself exactly what a “tweak” is. take your time. got it? ok. Here’s what I thought a “tweak” was: a couple of small changes to clarify lines, make choices clear, elaborate on action a bit, define character…you know, small little…uh..TWEAKS. Small changes. Ok. back to our regularly scheduled program.

I say, “of course we are more than happy to talk with you about typo’s and formatting issues”. As we all know, even the best of us sometimes miss an error. “this script”, mr. director says, “is the one that’s going to the actors and producers for money. so it’s got to be perfect” So we take the call.

Needless to say…no spelling errors were mentioned. but I present to you, constant devoted readers…

THE LIST OF “TWEAKS” GIVEN TO US:
(and please bear in mind your definition of “tweak” as well as what I thought.)
1) Can you add scene numbers? “But”, I ask “I thought you weren’t supposed to put scene numbers in anything but a shooting script. in fact, DOESN’T EVERY BOOK, ARTICLE, MESSAGE BOARD AND TEACHER SAY SPECIFICALLY NOT TO PUT IN SCENE NUMBERS…ESPECIALLY IN A SPEC SCRIPT?” “Really”, he says “does it say that?…let me see” he puts us on hold. we wait. and wait. and wait. He comes back “I just talked to –insert powerful head honcho here– and she said that it’s always better to put them in at the beginning as it gives us a clear reference point for discussing rewrites” Ok, so I’ll put in scene numbers. not a problem…with MOVIE MAGIC SCREENWRITER 2000…it’s a breeze. Movie Magic people, Please send all free stuff to…

so I guess, technically that could be construed as a tweak.

2) You know how you’ve carefully written very concise, to the point action lines…that don’t bunch up and look like a book, but rather leave lots of white space on the page and draw the reader’s eye down the page…a skill you’ve very diligently worked for years to develop in order to facilitate a painless, easy read??? Yes. Yes I do. Well we need you to put all the action in paragraph form. and while we’re at it…add some more action and make it more descriptive. I don’t know exactly where to add it…just add it. hmmmm since there’s actually action lines on every page…can we really call this a tweak? At what point does this become a MFR (major f*cking rewrite)??

3)  you know that prologue that you wrote..the “teaser” if you will? Oh, you mean the first scene that comes before the credits? the scene that has remained completely unchanged since it’s inception two years ago? the one that you, for the past two months of conference calls, have said how much you love and never gave any mention of any possible way to improve it…even when we were tearing the script apart scene by scene…the one that you have never even mentioned in any way shape or form until now? Yes. that one. it’s too long, make it shorter.

4) You know the scene where we introduce the antagonist? Oh, you mean the scene where the original version we had involved his mistaking the main characters for someone else which, in turn, gives him a reason to become involved in their lives…and you said that you would rather make his involvement ARBITRARY…as if he just one day decided that he would f*ck with these two people…because he could…you know, the one where we then said, “I don’t know…it really just doesn’t make sense to be that ARBITRARY…will people buy that he just, suddenly, out of the blue, becomes ARBITRARILY involved with them…I don’t know….seems kinda ARBITRARY…and then you said, no that’s not as important as removing the mistaken identity part…because it adds too many things? that scene? Yes. it’s too arbitrary. change it.

So the call wrapped up with our usual “oh, take your time…but I can’t do anything until you get us the new script.” and my partner and I are left, not with tweaks…but a MFR!!!

and here is where my poor little partner comes over to the dark side. “it’s not fair…we changed that scene because they told us to make it arbitrary…” yes. “and they never said anything about the prologue…and we could have been working on that for months!!!” yes. “this just sucks…it’s not fair” yes. Yes. So even though I was pissed about the MFR that we now have to turnaround in a few days…I must say that I smiled…much like Bruce Willis in Die Hard…”welcome to the party, pal”

more to come….

it is so funny to me now how we didn’t see what happened coming…ah…youth.

January 9, 20XX

We’ve entered the UGLY PHASE, people. I have been snarled at. And I fear it’s only gonna get uglier.

The newest trauma is the ol’ OPTION agreement. this lovely piece of paper that grants our lovely producer (and my future wife??) the express right to acquire our script provided she successfully execute the terms as set forth in good faith by the PURCHASE AGREEMENT. And the puppy is rolling. Agents are involved…managers are excited. AND I AM TERRIFIED. Terrified because Me and my partner are the small fish here. We have no experience, no support, and no clout. Herr Director has the ten thousand pound gorilla that is ICM, our producer has the experience of working on other films…and we have NOTHING. So basically we are put in the position to TRUST these people who probably know more ways to screw us than we could possibly imagine. And to top it all off, my sweeeeeeet good natured partner is just so sure that they are going to be faithful and loyal. And I have officially entered the paranoid zone. I am going into this looking for the possible ways for us to get screwed. My biggest concern…that we will be prevented from acting in it because of some loophole we overlook. So my suggestion is to have the provision that we are to act in it put on every document we sign. The producer (God, I love her) says it’s not necessary on the option agreement because it doesn’t discuss payment. “but it wouldn’t hurt” I ask. “no” She says…I love her voice. “be strong” I tell myself. “then can’t we put it on…just to humor me” I ask. (I wonder if she thinks of me???) “sure” she says. in a way that only women seem to be able to muster: to agree to do something and punish you at the same time.

then my partner and I confab. I ask if I came across too demanding. Was I a dick? He says no. but also mentions that she’s been working really hard on this for free and she’s really busy. So I reply: “you know what…we’ve been working really hard on this for free too and we’re really busy so I don’t have any sympathy for that” “WELL WHY NOT HAVE SYMPATHY, JESUS!” “DON’T YOU SNARL AT ME I’M TRYING TO PROTECT BOTH OUR INTERESTS HERE” …and so forth. you get the idea. Tensions are high because everyone is nervous. this is the big show. the major league…and for us, it might be our only chance. I calmly tell him that he is the only one in this that I completely trust. He tells me he understands, since the producer and director and he are all chums…but I only know him. “but” he says, “I need you to put your faith in them the way you put your faith in me” and here’s the kicker: “the way I told them to put their faith in you.” See…big beautiful heart!!! that is why he is my best friend. That is why I love him like a brother. And when we get screwed and are living on the street…that is why I will get the big piece of chicken we manage to scrounge from the trash can at Popeyes.

but I digress.

anywhoo…the confab ended with his apologizing for losing his temper…that he’s really stressed. and I really don’t know what was solved. probably nothing. but at some point, I guess you do have to make a choice…not about how the business works…but about how you want to be. So I will put my faith in them….as soon as I meet with my lawyer.

Now I must clear up a misconception about the money involved in this. I see these posts about first time writers getting huge advances and great big deals. My friends…you have got to stop reading Scr(i)pt!!!! Put down the Hollywood Reporter! These RARE instances are all hype. Generally put out by the agents of these writers to get publicity and a buzz for the writer or the project. yes, they may negotiate 300,000 for Joe Blow first time guy…but sometimes, this is not really the picture. All payment for a script is split. You get a small chunk to write…more when you rewrite and more for a final draft. Oftimes, you also get a bonus if the movie is actually made. So a guy who gets 300 grand may only get 50 grand up front…with another 25 upon delivery of a final draft…and the rest is tied up in monies paid if the film is made. Many of these cases are:”you’ll get 2% (not 10% I’m sorry it doesn’t happen) of the final budget or 50 grand…which ever is greater. Then if the movie is made, you’ll get another bonus…plus 5% of the net (which we know is bullshit) and that could equal up the 300,000!!!! then the agent calls Scr(i)pt and says his first time client got a deal of a lifetime. Trust me people. I’m sure there are rare instances of first time writers getting huge bucks…but on the whole..it does not happen. We are lucky to get the WGA minimum…especially since this is looking like it’s not gonna be a WGA or DGA sanctioned movie. Plus, as my director (who I thought was gonna get the big bucks) was told by his agent: “your payment is you get to make your movie” And that is the truth.

Plus, since we’re on the subject…I’m thinking very hard about giving up my writing fee in exchange for the publishing rights to my script (which, also go to the producer when you sign the purchase agreement). It will mean more to me in the long run (I hope) that I will be able to publish the script as a book…along with my journal ala “rebel without a crew” by Robert Rodriquez. It’s all foreign territory…but We’ll get through it together.

remember, this journal is from another time in my life (pre-marriage!)

January 7, 20XX 

AND WE’LL BE TAKIN’ CARE OF BID’NESS…EVERY DAY!

So last night we had yet another conference call…this time just me, my sweet partner, and our producer (Who I am now totally head over heels in love with and have finally seen a picture of…she looks like a brown haired Olsen twin…OH THE HUMANITY!!!)

Anywhoo…the purpose of this call was to finalize and sign our Option and Purchase agreement. For those of you who didn’t know, and I am one of them…these are two separate things: an OPTION is basically your giving the producer the exclusive right to buy your script at a later time for an agreed on amount. Normally (in the studio world) you generally get 10% of the total fee for writing. In our case, since this is going to be an extremely low budget (750,000 to 1.5 mil) my partner and I were paid a whopping $1.00 for the option…which we promptly cut in half and split (I framed mine). this is not an uncommon option price. Legally, the producer has to give us something to enter into the option agreement. So now she has “the exclusive, irrevocable right and option for 18 months to acquire the exclusive motion picture, television, videocassette, and all subsidiary, allied and ancillary rights pursuant to the terms set forth…” you get the picture. She has 18 months to buy the script for the terms we discussed. When she does, we will then sign the purchase agreement.

And here is where I think many of you will be depressed. I know I was.

The PURCHASE AGGREEMENT, once signed, transfers ownership of your script to the producer, so that he/she can, in turn, raise money for it and find a distributor (and transfer some ownership to them). But wait…I hear you saying…and I said it myself: I WILL NO LONGER OWN MY SCRIPT? THAT HARDLY SEEMS FAIR. and the sad answer is this: watch the credits of any movie. you know the part at the very end when all the names have rolled and they say “this work is a work of fiction..blah blah blah” right after that, you see “this motion picture is owned byParamountpictures who is the sole owner or author of the film” or whatever. the answer is YES. YOU WILL NO LONGER OWN YOUR SCRIPT…unless you have some kinda clout where you can get yourself attached as a producer. if not, then you will give up ownership of the script in exchange for whatever compensation you negotiate with the producer. now can we all sigh a collective “ho-hum” I guess I always knew this was coming, but somehow it still doesn’t seem right. But, this project was never about money to us…we always intended this to be our way into the business…with the main goal always being to get the chance to make another movie. and add to the mix that we are also demanding to act in the movie (we’re actors…I probably should have mentioned that…please don’t hate us), I knew there were many things that we were gonna have to give up.

The deal is as follows: for the screenplay we get WGA minimum for the script (49,373 or something like that) which we have to split. and we are guaranteed to be able to act in the film in the roles we want and will receive SAG minimum for that. In addition, we get 1% of the net profits of the film…which, as many of you know, is total and complete bullshit. She might as well have given us 75% of the net profit. Net profit does not exist. Net is what is made after the studio or producer “breaks even”. an example? Forrest Gump, according toHollywoodaccounting, has no net profit. if you actually want to see money, you have to have a chunk of the GROSS…but no one gets that…except Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford and the like.

We haven’t signed the purchase agreement yet. My major concern is not so much that we get more stuff…but that we get the same stuff as everyone else. I know that our semi-famous director who is signed with ICM will probably get more than DGA minimum. that is fine. if it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t be doing this. BUT as far as additional compensation goes, I think we deserve the same deal he gets. If he gets a bonus if the film makes over a certain amount, We should get that same bonus. So we’re kinda waiting to sign until we find out what he gets.

my other demand is that my partner and I maintain publishing rights for the script. So if someone wants to publish it (which would be so freakin’ cool) or is someone wants to use an excerpt from it, (including us) we get paid. After all…we did write it.

Now, mind you, what we have offered is exactly what I planned on getting. I knew and expected to get WGA and SAG minimums. Plus I knew we’d have to give stuff up to get the chance to act in the movie. So as far as agreements go, I’m pretty freaking stoked! plus the small fact that something I wrote is actually gonna be filmed. the producer says she is so confident that this bad boy is gonna go…she actually turned down another offer because it wouldn’t allow her to do this.

We have a tentative shoot date for Sept. and lord willing…it won’t be delayed more than two or three years…

December 24, 20XX   I will admit that this event took place long enough ago that there have been TWO major romances in my life since…including my lovely and awesome wife…but since I wanted to paint the actual picture of what was going on during this time, I’ve left in everything…including my infamous crush on our producer…

I was going to entitle this entry: LIMBO LIMBO ON A STICK LIMBO LIMBO SUCK MY…but after another rewrite session and another semi-conference call I ‘ve decided to call it: WHY DOES EVERYONE GET A BACK-END DEAL BUT ME???

I must speak lovingly about my writing partner. He is one of those rare individuals who tends to see the absolute best in everyone. Who treats people fairly and expects that they will always do the same; golden rule and all. So it’s not quite surprising that I have had many post bourbon and coke bar confabs with him that begin: “It just isn’t fair!!!!!” Cut to:

my house, friday. We had gotten together to do a series of rewrites based on the last conference call…which I guess will have to be green as I can find no other color…and we only had Friday, because he was going home for the holidays…AND he’s gotten himself cast in a play so his nights are all booked. Here’s a thought…if you have the brass ring mere inches from your grubby little hands, why would you take a stupid bullshit off off off off off broadway showcase that takes your time and mind off said brass ring? Because a friend needed help and he’s always there to help a friend…and after all, that friend would most certainly drop everything in his life to come help us organize a fundraiser for the script, right? RIGHT?? “it just isn’t fair…” Wow was that a rant or what???

Anywhoo…whilst in the midst of writing, he receives a call from our producer. Let me tell you this now: getting a call from your producer on a friday night to discuss the script will make you feel like a real writer (probably not as real as getting a fat check…but I digress). So the producer wanted to give us a few more notes and to inform us that we have some “paperwork” on the way.

“What is this paperwork” I ask.
“Oh, just some documents that basically insures that we do what we set out to do…which is to make a movie with a core group of people and to protect all of our interests.”
“Oh…silly me…of course!” now we can all, collectively say, “huuh??”

Then she tells us that our directors’ agent has sent her a contract to sign for him. This contract grants him first refusal. Which I only thought studios got…but hey, live and learn. First Refusal, for those who do not know guarantees that he will get to make the film…that we can not find another director…even if Steven Soderbergh calls and says he wants to do it. Our director gets to do it. HOWEVER, does this mean that he now HAS to direct it? NO. Can he actively search and find a “better product” and cast us aside to do that? YES. Can he do ten projects in a row and make us wait ten years before he directs our movie? YES! This is why, dear friends, it is very important to have an agent. this is why his contract reads: “I am the director of this movie no matter what…unless I find something better” and ours says: ” we just want to make sure that the spirit in which we originated this project is kept in tact…that there is a core group…and so forth”

It is here that I suggest getting a lawyer and my dear sweet writing partner begins to talk about how we should trust our producer and director. After all, our director did say that his agent (at IC fucking M) will take care of us. My carefree, loving partner says that we are all friends and no one is going to get screwed. Excuse me, but isn’t that exactly how every major revenge novel and movie starts????

Then I find out that my partner’s roommate is somehow now involved in the project. “how is he involved??” I ask?

“well, he is a talented art director (this is true) and he was really supportive of me when we were first writing this and I just don’t want him left out of the project”

Well, hey…my mom was very supportive of me when we started writing this, should I somehow work her into the contract as well?? I try to point out to him that OUR INTERESTS ARE NOT COVERED YET so maybe now is not the best time to be worried about taking care of others. Not to mention that every person we have told has offered his or her services to the movie. Where were they when we were begging for people to help us develop it? If any advice is to come out of this it would be: Keep your big mouth shut! Do no tell a soul until you cash the check.

and on a slightly personal note, I have a mad crush on our producer…whom I have never met, but her voice!!! It’s very rare to find a woman who will do the entire, “no one wants a Charlie in the box” speech from the island of misfit toys in Rudolf. She did. and she frequently uses terms like “balls to the wall” and “you can’t really go wrong if you end your movie with the word PUSSY” (this one, I have decided is very sage advice!!!) and my partner, who does know her, keeps telling me how amazing she is. Oh yeah, he tried to date her two years ago…is this a greek tragedy in the making or what???

So…my new goal is to find a lawyer. and to stop fantasizing about my producer, who I now imagine kind of looks like a brown haired Olsen twin…

the show draft date of Jan 3rd is fast approaching. and we’re getting this a lot from producer and director: “guys, I want you to take your time with this script. don’t rush…I mean I can’t really do anything until you get it to me…but don’t rush. I want this to be a process so if the Jan 3rd is not enough time, don’t worry….I mean, I’m just sort of sitting on my hands until you get me a script, but DON’T RUSH.”